Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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