My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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