he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
