I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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