thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
