Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
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Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
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I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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