I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
