I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
