I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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