My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
