I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
