and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
pray to the hookup gods
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
