you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize