i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
