We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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