The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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