Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
