So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
