I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
