If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The adults are the big ones right?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
