She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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