I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Come share oat with me in your robe
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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