I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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