remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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