he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
