weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My bed is full of blood and feathers
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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