I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
