So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
