It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
