im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It was confusing and full of hummus
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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