I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
