so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I have aggressive nipples.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
