So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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