I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i dont even know how to be here
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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