I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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