Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
