Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
