So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Randomize