I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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