I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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