2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
