why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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