I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
