i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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