I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
