My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
