I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
