He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
