Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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