my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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