He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
