A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
