Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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