maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
