just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
