I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
