i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
