I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
