right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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