Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
