yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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