Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
