it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
time to smoke my breakfast
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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