What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
this boner is exhausting
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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