Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
