I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
