Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I looked at my own cervix.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
should my penis look like a turkey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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