i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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