Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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